I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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