Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
