i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
