So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
