hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
