is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
