You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
