god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
