totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
