I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
