So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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