apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
