he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
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What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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