I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
