respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
