I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
