I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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