not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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