what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
