God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
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The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
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