My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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