Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
