mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So vagazzling was a success
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
