you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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