he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
COCAINE IS GR8
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
