I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
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guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
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I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize