I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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