broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
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I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
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On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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