I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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