My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
