too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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