haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
