Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
zippers are such a cool invention
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Sober January is a disaster.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
