I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
