I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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