Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
