I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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