You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
just come out here and I will go home with you...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
