dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize