it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize