Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
