If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
