She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
