So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize