Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
