I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
