Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
