ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
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I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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