I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
