blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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