his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
