I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
