I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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