this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
