she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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