Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
where does the pee come out of this thing
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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