How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
