I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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