Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
